SOX YANKEES…SOX FREAKIN YANKEES!
SOX YANKEES…SOX FREAKIN YANKEES!
Finally a Sox Yankees series that feels like a SOX YANKEES series. Something just hasn’t been right lately. It’s been big but it for some reason it used to feel a lot BIGGER. See it this way; a recent series is American Idol 2002 Kelly Clarkson. A series in years past is Kelly Clarkson at IHOP this morning. And while I am strangely attracted to both you can’t deny one is MUCH bigger than the other.
Do I have to be mean to make my point? No but I do have to be this cool! It’s a promise I made to my father before he died. The promise of cool. Most people wouldn’t make that promise, they couldn’t pull it off. I’m not most people.
But back to the series; THE SERIES. It’s like old times. It’s freakin HUGE!!! If we get swept then we have no one to blame but ourselves if we miss out on the division and/or a wild card berth. That’s not gonna happen! More likely I see us with the sweep. Do you know what that means if we sweep?
Blah blah blah, first place…blah…wild card…bleh…division…winless. Wait, what? If we win all 4 in New York we will be 12-0 against them this season?
There ya have it, we’re gonna be 12-0 against them come Sunday night. Yeah, yeah and in first place. Getting all the money and women that come with it. Wait, that’s a day in the life of Boston Bob…they’ll just be in first. Which is where they want to finish. Unlike Boston Bob who never finishes first if you know what I mean ladies. Hollah!!!
And before my one New York reader asks how we beat them 4 straight games in New York I’m going to break it down for you. Nice n slow…
Game 1:
SOX WIN. But Joba is on fire right now. SOX WIN. John Smoltz is 2 and…SOX WIN. You can say what you want but Smoltz needs a big game right now in the worst way and I’m pretty sure he’s come up with a few in his career. Joba on the other hand can’t seem to keep it together when he faces the Sox right now.
They are in his head like brain herpes! Brain Herpes?!? Yeah, Brain Herpes. It used to be very rare but with the increase in high school kids having unprotected ear sex now a days it’s increased ten fold. Ear muffs kids; ear muffs!
Back to the game: SOX WIN!
Game 2:
Same shit different game. Last time Beckett was dominating and Burnett was so good that his boss let him finish up early. With pay. So again, he got paid more for doing less. I don’t know how you keep your cool Josh, that’d really piss me off. But not you, you keep your cool. Laid back like a car seat on prom night you are Josh. How do you do it??? SOX WIN!
Game 3:
Bucholz against Sabthia. What to say what to say? If this were in New York on the 4th of July say somewhere like Coney Island I’d put my money on Sabathia. In fact if it were the 4th in Coney Island I’d throw another couple bucks down on Sabathia accidentally eating Kobayashi.
But alas this is a baseball game we are talking about, not who can eat the most Hot Dogs. Or pretty much anything remotely digestible. Or not even digestible at all for that matter. So with that being said I am going to have to go with Masterson…I mean Bucholz (the guy who should be in Cleveland). He has to prove they kept the right guy and there is no better time than a nationally televised game to do it. That Sabathia can eat though huh? Huh??? Oh, SOX WIN!
Game 4:
Jon and Andy. Good match up. I expect Andy to try and keep the Yankees from getting swept and Jon to try and out pitch the guy he’s most compared to. Early that morning Hal had something to say to the Post about “better not get swept in our house” and that’s all those poor bastards are thinking about. But it happens, SOX WIN!!!
It’s a sweep, but it feels like a SOX YANKEES series.
And now on to a few things:
I think that there’s a good chance Papelbon won’t be closing for the Sox in 2012. I love the guy but I just don’t see it in the cards. Yeah I read cards. But not Tarot, I read UNO. Neither here nor there he just won’t be around.
Bard seems to be getting better and better and is ready to step in when needed. I know that he was the beginning of the end of Lesters good game the other night but I’m pretty sure everyone has a game like that. A little more time under his belt learning under Papelbon and he’ll be ready.
Would it be nice to have them both you ask? Of course it would it just doesn’t work that way. Wouldn’t it be nice to have your cake and it eat too? Course it would, but that can’t happen either. If that could happen there wouldn’t be a saying that says you can’t. I don’t know much but I know that.
But back to keeping them both; Paps will want sick money and deservedly so, he’s earned it. Paps will GET sick money, deservedly so, just not from us. If Bard had sucked we might not be having this discussion but the kid has been amazing. Unless he has a total collapse or winds up missing (Paps will be suspect number one that I guarantee) Mr. Papelbon has no leverage on this one.
It reminds me of when I was a young lad just breaking in to the industry of pornographic films. I remember one day on the set of “Caged Fury” Ron Jeremy was threatening to walk out if he didn’t get a few petty little things. Now here I was this young guy just trying to catch a break, get in to the industry that got me through high school.
So the director yells to me, “kid drop your robe”. I drop it and Ron takes one look at me and goes “WOW!” That was it, that was all that needed to be said.
He knew he no longer had any leverage over them. Identical situation if you really look at it. And a true story. True…trueish I’d say. Porn did get me through high school.
Okay I know that wasn’t a “few” things but I’m all done! In fact if I went back and changed that “few” to “a final thought” or something like that you wouldn’t even know that I was gonna do a few in the first place. I could do that, but I’m just too lazy!
For FenwayParkFans.com, Boston Bob Out!
P.S. Ron if you are reading this like you do each week...don't send your pictures to the fan site. Same for you Kelly.